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What are the Best Chocolate Bars? An analysis by a indecisive chocolate lover

7 January 2012

chocolate bar

Sometimes I get tempted for an afternoon snack and find myself struggling to choose ONE chocolate bar in a convenience store. I want them all. Mars bar, Caramilk, Wunderbar, Coffee Crisp. Choosing a chocolate bar is usually the most difficult decision I face everyday.

I decided to buy a slew of chocolates and analyse them to eliminate the anguish I get when buying chocolate bars. Here is what I think…

The Analysis

bounty chocolate bar
Bounty is a sweet full coconut flavour chocolate bar covered in a thin milk chocolate layer. More coconut than chocolate. This isn’t a chocolate bar. It is a coconutbar.
F / Fail

 

eat-more chocolate bar Canada (1980?)

Eat-More is difficult to take out of wrapper, and its probably for a good reason because you don’t want to have a 2nd bite after you try it. It is extremely chewy with a delayed pique of dark toffe, and bursting with peanut flavour. This is a unique blend of ingredients. The bad kind of unique.

F / Fail

 

big turk chocolate bar
Big Turk has an extremely chewy jelly centre. This chocolate bar is a complete scam. It offers no mention of a fruity surprise on its packaging. The only hint was its curious aroma. Any fruit flavour in a chocolate is too much. 60% less fat, 100% less taste.

Least Protein, Most Carbs, Least Fat, Least Calories per gram
F / Fail

 

dairy milk fruit and nuts chocolate bar
United Kingdom (1928)

Dairy Milk Fruit and Nuts is a rich chocolate taste overpowers any hint of fruit its titles suggests until all the chocolate melts in your mouth and you are left with uninspiring chewy raisins.

B / Good for the first 10 seconds, F / Fail for the last 10 seconds

 

hershey's milk chocolate almonds chocolate bar
United States (~1900)

Hershey’s Almonds has hard oversized almonds dispersed throughout the thin solid milk chocolate bar.
It has a bit of an odd taste for a chocolate with a company’s name.
Most Calories per gram

C / Acceptable

 

M&M's chocolate bar
United States (1941)

M&M’s has a sweet crispy thin layer covering an overpowering milk chocolate centre. I’ll take Smarties over M&M’s anyday.

C / Acceptable

 

crunch chocolate bar
United States (1937)

Crunch is a solid milk chocolate dispersed with crisped rice. More bitter than sweet.

C / Acceptable

 

Mr. Big chocolate bar
United Kingdom

Mr. Big has a soft and chewy vanilla wafer centre immersed in rice crisps, caramel and peanuts. This concoction is better on paper than real life.

B- / Good

 

Smarties chocolate bar
United Kingdom (1937)

Smarties has a hard sweet coating and solid milk chocolate centre. Leaves a pleasant sweet taste in your mouth.

B- / Good

 

Kit Kat chocolate bar
United Kingdom (1935)

Kit Kat has milk chocolate wrapped around a compact waffle centre that tastes like an antiquated chocolate. It’s sharable with your 3 closest friends, which can be good or bad.

B / Good

 

Reese chocolate bar
United States (1928)

Reese has a deep peanut butter aroma that reminds you of childhood. Its aroma seems more pleasant than its taste. Soft and chewy.

Most Protein

B / Good

 

Toblerone chocolate bar
Switzerland (1908)

Toblerone is solid milk chocolate with an intriguing sweet hint of honey and nuts. Offers sharing capabilities and a box for later storage.

B+ / Good

 

Oh Henry! chocolate bar
United States (1920)

Oh Henry! has an intense peanut flavour wrapped in deep caramel and chocolate fudge coating. This chocolate is bursting with crispy peanuts.
Most Protein, Most Weight

B+ / Good

 

Aero chocolate bar
United Kingdom (1935)

Aero is soft and airy milk chocolate. Simple and Tasty. Melts in your mouth.

B+ / Good

 

Coffee Crisp chocolate bar
United Kingdom (1935)

Coffee Crisp has an aroma that suggests an intimate tango of chocolate and coffee, and its taste does not disappoint. It’s unfortunate this isn’t offered in the US.

A- / Amazing

 

3 Musketeers chocolate bar
United States (1932)

3 Musketeers has a crisp smooth taste that melts in your mouth. Only problem is false advertising of 3 Musketeers. The package only contains 2.

Least Calories, Least Weight, Least Carbs

A- / Amazing

 

Butterfinger chocolate bar
United States (1932)

Butterfinger has a hard crunchy peanut centre wrapped in butter and chocolate. It has a less tendency to stick to back molars than Crispy Crunch. But also a less memorable experience.

A / Amazing

 

Crispy Crunch chocolate bar
United Kingdom (1928)

Crispy Crunch has a hard crispy peanut centre that has a tendency of sticking to your back molars. This allows you to taste on the chocolate for after you have finished eating it. Crispy Crunch finds the right balance of chocolate and peanut that Reese isn’t able to conjure.

A / Amazing

 

Snickers chocolate bar
United States (1930)

Snickers has an intense smooth soft peanut taste wrapped in caramel. It has the right balance of caramel, peanuts, and milk chocolate. It’s shape and taste is not far from the Mars bar.

A / Amazing

 

Crunchie chocolate bar
United Kingdom (1929)

Crunchie has a milk chocolate coating over a unique hard crisp sponge toffee centre. Unlike Bounty, this is the good kind of unique.

A / Amazing

 

Twix chocolate bar
United Kingdom (1967)

Twix is a soft biscuit topped with caramel and milk chocolate. You’d be glad it comes in two.

A+ / Amazing

 

Mars chocolate bar
United States (1932)

Mars has a soft chewy caramel centre that leaves your taste buds out of this world.

A+ / Amazing

 

Wunderbar chocolate bar
United Kingdom (1976)

Wunderbar has a peanut butter core mixed with rice crisps and caramel. This is a more enlightening mixture than Mr. Big.

Most Calories, Most Fat

A+ / Amazing

 

Caramilk chocolate bar
Canada (1968)

Caramilk has smooth caramel encapsulated in perfect milk chocolate that wraps around your tongue. The only down side of this chocolate is that its squares entices your friends to ask for too much.

A+ / Amazing

Concluding Remarks

  • Fruits do not belong in chocolates.
  • Solid plain chocolate bars are okay. Just okay.
  • Peanuts and caramel make chocolates magical.

 

Chocolate Bar Confectioneries

I once heard from a roommate that the US does not sell any Cadbury chocoaltes. I always found it a shame that the US could not have what I thought were the world’s best chocoaltes. I calculated the grades for each, and to no surprise, Cadbury came on top with an A-.

Company Average Grade

A-

B
C+
C-

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